Bullies in the Church
I found some notes relevant to this blog in my journal from a few years ago. I guess we can say that history and the present indeed play tag with each other. I have expanded on my earlier notes for the purpose of this post.
So! What are bullies doing at church? Bullying what else? Well, that, and the same things that many of us are doing in church - seeking, searching, etc. As with every human being, we take ourselves with us wherever we go. Bullies are no different. Additionally, a bully may not even recognize the bullying characteristic in themselves and because they are bullies, there may not be a lot of people who are willing to risk pointing it out. This blog post delves into the collateral damage that occurs when bullying infiltrates the church, exploring this issue through a Biblical lens, grounded in the teachings of the United Methodist Church (UMC).
Human beings generally seek solace, love, and spiritual nourishment in places like churches. However, despite our best intentions, the presence of bullying can cast a dark shadow on the very institution meant to embody and express the healing and redeeming love of Christ. As we strive to create a church environment grounded in Christ's love, it is essential to recognize and address bullying within our communities. By understanding the signs of a bully, acknowledging our own behaviors, and offering support to those being bullied, we can foster healing and reconciliation.
Recognizing the pain: Bullying is not a stranger to the church. Whether overt or subtle, it can manifest among congregants, leadership, or even clergy members. The pain it inflicts can leave lasting scars on individuals and the community. The UMC's core principles of grace, love, compassion, and inclusivity make it crucial to address bullying within our sacred spaces.
There is a biblical Call for Love and Kindness:
The teachings of Jesus hold love as the greatest commandment. Bullying goes against this foundational teaching, as it disregards the inherent value and worth of every human being. Instead, we are encouraged to be kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32), fostering a community that heals rather than hurts.
Recognizing a Bully: A bully can exhibit both overt and subtle behaviors that seek to control, intimidate, or demean others. Signs of a bully may include excessive criticism, manipulation, exclusion, or spreading rumors about others. It is important to observe patterns of behavior and not dismiss isolated incidents, as bullies can be skilled at disguising their actions.
Recognizing When You're Being Bullied: Bullying can be subtle and manipulative, making it challenging to recognize when you are the victim. Signs of being bullied include feeling consistently undermined, excluded, or isolated by others. Trusting your instincts and seeking support from trusted individuals can help in understanding and addressing the situation.
The Impact on the Bullied: When bullying occurs in the church, it creates an environment of fear and isolation for the victims. Individuals who should feel welcomed and accepted may instead feel alienated and rejected. This can lead to a loss of faith, disconnection from the church community, and emotional trauma that extends far beyond the walls of the sanctuary.
The Impact on Witnesses: Bullying doesn't affect only the victim; it also impacts those who witness it. Congregants observing bullying might experience feelings of helplessness, guilt, or even pressure to take sides. This can erode trust within the community and hamper the collective spiritual growth that a church should foster.
Some Types of Bullying:
a) Verbal Bullying: Includes name-calling, insulting, belittling, or using language to demean others.
b) Social Bullying: Involves spreading rumors, exclusion, cliquing, or manipulating social relationships to isolate someone.
c) Cyberbullying: Takes place through digital platforms, such as social media or messaging apps to include emails and texting, to badger, harass or humiliate others.
d) Emotional Bullying: Involves manipulating another person's emotions to exert control or dominance (Making statements such as: "Remember when I did this for you?" "I gave you this or that." "After everything I did for you" etc.)
e) Physical Bullying: Includes any form of physical aggression or harm directed towards another person.
What if the Bully is the Pastor?? 🤯:
The pastor is first human, and thus is prone to the fallibilities of humanity just like anyone else is. Discovering that the pastor is the bully can be particularly challenging for the congregation. Such situations require extra sensitivity and courage to address. It is essential to understand that no one, including the pastor, is above accountability and the biblical principles of love and respect. The policies of the UMC have guidelines to help congregants report and hold pastors accountable for harmful behaviors. Addressing this issue may involve reaching out to supervising local, district, and even conference leadership for guidance and intervention. Sadly, this is needed more often than we want it to. If it happens once, it is one too many.
Can One Pastor Bully Another? 🤯
Surprise! Surprise! The short answer is yes, it can and has happened. Any bullying or abusive behavior by members of the clergy, regardless to whom the behavior is directed, is an act of betrayal of the sacred order to which the clergy person is called.
As members of the body of Christ, we have a collective responsibility to nurture a culture of love and respect within our church communities, for the thriving of all and not only a few people. Embracing differences, practicing active empathy, modeling the teachings of Jesus will help create an environment where bullying cannot thrive.
Shifting the Bully's Behavior: Addressing bullying requires a united effort from the entire church community. Strategies may include:
- Education
and Awareness: Provide workshops or sermons on recognizing and addressing
bullying behavior, encouraging open dialogue.
- Pastoral
Guidance: Pastors and church leaders can offer counseling and support to
both the bully and the victim.
- Encouraging
Empathy: Promote empathy by encouraging members to see things from others'
perspectives and consider the impact of their actions.
- Setting
Clear Boundaries: Establish guidelines for acceptable behavior within the
church community and hold everyone accountable.
- Restorative
Justice: Implement restorative practices that focus on reconciliation and
repairing relationships.
So... What now?
Bullying in the church is a harsh reality that demands our attention, compassion, and commitment to the teachings of Jesus. By recognizing the collateral damage it inflicts, we can begin to truly make our sanctuaries into 'safe sanctuaries'. So, as a Pastor, how do I deal with bullies in the churches I lead? I try to educate as much as I can, create a culture of authenticity, compassion, and grace, and when opportunities arise, redirect behaviors. It is rare that someone who tells me about being bullied gives me permission to say anything to the bully. Hence, some of these behaviors are difficult to address and transform. In addition to that, being itinerant also adds another layer to the mystery of dealing with a bully. This is because the person doing the bullying would have been established in the community long before my arrival. People would have become accustomed to acquiescing or ignoring the harmful behaviors. Thus, when people are run off, or anyone complains, the general assembly tends to turn its attention to finding an external source to blame - even though they know the true source. It is an ongoing work. It is painful, scary, and frustrating work. Yet...
Of course, this is not the full extent to which this conversation can go! So, sound off in the comments!
#churchbullies #safesanctuary #lovegodlovepeople #UMC
Comments
Post a Comment